Why Your Fall Starbucks Drink Order is Making You Fat: Soy, Pumpin-Spice or Chai Tea Latte, Anyone?

Since it's back-to-school season, I will begin by proving my reasoning through a logical mathematical proof.

1. Fall= cold weather. 
2. Cold weather= increased desire for a warm, rich and filling drinks.
3. Starbucks= provider of warm, rich and filling drinks.
4. Warm, rich and filling drinks lead to= surplus of calories.
5. Surplus of calories results in= weight gain.
6. Therefore, we can infer that the drinks we consume in cold weather result in weight gain.
7. And in conclusion Starbucks= making you fat.

If only I could solve complex mathematical formulas with that ease, I'd be makin' bank instead of blogging.

Starbucks is everywhere, from the Great Wall of China to the lobby of your apartment. And I'm not going to complain- no matter how much we bitch about Starbucks being the evil satanic force that sucked chic cappuccino culture out of the United States, we still find ourselves waiting 15-minutes in line, no matter how late we are for that meeting, because our taste-buds are just too refined for a cup of regular cup of coffee.

This especially applies in the Fall, when our head-to-toe autumn outfits are only complete with a fall-flavoured drink in hand, to top off our perfectly matched ankle boots, leggings, cable knits and cashmere scarves. Passion Iced Tea in this season? Um, I don't think so!

Notice how your back-to-school Fall outfits slowly start to fit you worse as the season goes by? Blame it on the latte, my friend. Your over-sized baggy sweater doesn't seem to fall off the shoulder the nonchalant way it did before; in fact, it's not even over-sized anymore. Wtf? Cashmere is not supposed to shrink this much.

They say what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. And whatever tastes good at Starbucks will only make you fatter.

As the baristas loudly call out the lofty drink orders, we all judge/ secretly envy that girl you just got the Venti Moccha Frappuccino with extra whip. Well your Soy/ Chai/ Pumpkin-Spice Latte may not be as skinny as you think, girl.

Before you order a new outfit from Rue La La, revise your drink order with these misconceptions about your Starbucks Fall Drink order.

1. The Starbucks Chai tea lattes are not made of tea. 

No, you're not being super earthy and exotic by ordering a Chai tea-latte instead of one with espresso; you aren't even drinking tea. Real Desi "Masala" (Hindi for spice) Chai is an Indian blend of black tea seeped with the aromatic spices of cinnamon, ginger, star anise, cloves and cardamon, simmered slowly over the stove with milk. The counterfeit Chai Starbucks sells you is a sugar-syrup that comes out of a carton. A Grande Soy Chai has 43 grams of sugar, 240 calories and 3.5 grams of fat. Not like the soy milk is the problem- the same drink order with skim milk has 42 grams of sugar and 210 calories. The Chai Concentrate is highly sweetened and filled with chemicals and additives, depriving you from the healthy benefits a cup of warm Chai is meant to provide you with. Starbucks, you steal everything authentic, don't you?

What you should order instead:

Chai drinkers, rejoice! You can still enjoy your Chai without splurging in sugar. Chai is the life-blood of India, enjoyed with family and friends, in meditation and deep thought following yoga or after a meal to help with digestion. Starbucks has tea bags of actual Chai tea, which you can order then add milk/ cinnamon/ honey to. The spices in Chai are extremely beneficial to your health so there's no reason to pass up on Chai- just drink the actual tea, not the sugar syrup. Ask for Tazo Chai Tea (not a Chai Latte), and add some soy milk for the same taste, without the sugar. Or if you want the real deal, make Chai at home so you can decide how sweet, spicy or strong you want it!

2. Starbucks' soy milk is not low-cal. 

I've been hearing a lot more baristas call out soy lattes instead of skinny-vanilla, due to the misconception that soy milk makes any drink super healthy That's anything but true, especially at Starbucks, where their soy milk is vanilla-flavoured and filled with sugar. Maybe that's why your drink suddenly tastes super-sweet when you add soy! Soy beans don't have sugar, but Starbucks has done you the favor of adding tons so you keep paying extra to get this addition.

Soy yes or soy no?

Researchers have found, however, that removing animal products from your diet leads to weight-loss (Skinny Bitch Diet, anyone?) so switching to soy-milk is a great step towards leading a more vegan lifestyle. Many of us are lactose intolerant without knowing it- just today Justin Bieber threw up on stage at a concert due to eating dairy before. His comment: "Milk was a bad choice." 

But just because you paid 40 cents extra (patrons are actually demanding for soy milk to become free) for non-dairy milk doesn't mean it's free of calories. I hear of people ordering indulgent drinks all the time but making it soy to "cut back on calories." If only it were that easy. Order soy if you like the taste, are lactose intolerant or just don't like the way dairy makes you feel, but not because you're trying to cut down on sugar. If only it were that easy. 

Try making tea or coffee at home and pouring in sugar-free soy, almond, hemp or rice milk to get the real deal. You can even buy a milk-frother (I got mine at Teavana) so you get the foam on top.. We all know that's the reason you even go to Starbucks.

If you need a drink on the go, try cutting down on the amount of soy milk you consume. Instead of a Grande Soy Latte, which is 75% milk with a shot of espresso (and 170 calories with 17 grams of sugar), try ordering a Soy Misto which is 50% coffee and 50% of milk (and 100 calories with 5 grams of sugar.) That's 12 grams of sugar you saved- and can splurge on a pastry!

3. "I'll order a Skinny Pumpkin-Spice Latte".

Um, no you won't, because that doesn't exist. Everyone waits patiently for the weather to cool just so Starbucks starts selling their infamous fall-flavoured drinks (it's even featured on the news.) Well, now we can attribute the winter weight-gain to our hand-held fall accessory; the Pumpkin-Spice Latte, with maybe a Pumpkin cupcake to match. A "skinny" latte is made of non-fat milk with sugar-free sweetener. However, the Pumpkin-Spice syrup doesn't even come in sugar-free. So even a non-fat grande Pumpkin Spice Latte has 48 grams of sugar. And if you don't specify "skim milk," Starbucks automatically provides you with 2%, making it 310 calories. So no, a Pumpkin-Spice Latte does not count towards your daily veggie requirement.

So how else do I celebrate the Fall season?

Honestly, I don't believe in deprivation, especially in something seasonal and as amazing as pumpkin, so indulge- sparingly. If you're trying to lose weight, don't start each Autumn morning with the Pumpkin-Spice latte; there are plenty of sugar-free flavors like Vanilla, Hazelnut and Cinnamon-Dulce you can chose from to still give you that Fall-fix. Even better than the Starbucks version is the one Pumpkin-Spice latte you can make at home with almond milk, pumpkin pie spice blend, pumpkin puree, cinnamon and vanilla. But those days where you're wearing a super cute Autumn outfit and you're walking to class among the dancing red, yellow and orange leaves (sounds like a Robert Frost poem) wearing the perfect combination of leather and cashmere, complete the picture and order the Pumpkin. YOLO.

By the way, make sure you chug a water for every cup of coffee if you don't want your skin to look like a leaf in the foliage: dry and lifeless.

For a full detox diet plan, check out the Eat Feel Fresh One Week Detox Plan: What to Eat to Remove Toxins and Cleanse the System